i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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