You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
