girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
