Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
