U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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