I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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