He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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