I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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