where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just gift wrapped bread.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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