Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
