how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Panties = found
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
