There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
