I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
