it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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