I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
