You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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