So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Michael Bay diarrhea
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
