Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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