Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
