see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
