I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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