Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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