Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize