I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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