drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize