Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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