Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
