you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
