I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
