we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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