'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize