well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
