No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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