Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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