I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
