Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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