I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
