I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
