If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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