Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize