Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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