If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
