none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
