My balls are so social today.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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