You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
