Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
