what if every blade of grass was a penis?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
