On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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