so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
