There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize