I got chris browned last night
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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