he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize