How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
