Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
