Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize