just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
