We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
