Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
