A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
