I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
