You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
