I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
