She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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