Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize