yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
