Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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