Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
